The Biggest Mistake People Make When Setting Resolutions and What to Do About It.

It hit me today that I have been working out for 30 years.  It has been part of my life for 3 decades. 

And while the workouts themselves have changed along the way, working out has always been part of my identity.  Working out isn’t just something I do, it’s become part of who I am.  

That’s why I always find time for it. And why I love and look forward to all of my workouts. That’s also why I don’t feel completely like myself when I miss a workout.

When something truly matters to you it becomes part of who you are you will find ways to stay committed to it.

You won’t short change it, find reasons to avoid it or give up on it.

That’s why it’s so important to know who you need to be to achieve a specific goal. The success of your goals is directly dependent on  your ability to become the type of person who is capable of achieving that goal.  Your identity has to be aligned with those of the person you need to become to achieve your goal.  

When I truly want something in life, I make it part of who I am. I embody the habits, routines and patterns of the type of person that would be able to create my desired outcome until that person and I are one and the same. 

One of the biggest mistakes I’ve seen people make when trying to reach a goal or create any type of significant change is holding on to their old identity while trying to create new and different results.  It’s why they end up falling back into old habits, beliefs and unhelpful patterns.

It’s also why so many of them give up on their resolutions so quickly, no matter how excited they were when they first set them. 

Making changes can be hard.  And if you’re trying to make them without changing anything about yourself, it can be even harder.  So the next time you set a goal - or a resolution - in addition to focusing on the actual goal, try focusing on who you need to be to achieve that goal.

And then decide to become that person.  

I’ve said this before but I think it bears repeating  - you’re always just one decision away from being the person you want to be and living the life you want to live.   But whether you make that decision is entirely up to you.

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Your mind may have forgotten..but has your body…?

The tears started to well up the minute I finished my mascara. Shit. Now?! This mascara isn’t even waterproof was my first thought. But the more I tried to hold them in, the more they started to spill. Before I knew it..the dam that I had kept closed for so long had burst wide open.

I had just finished a beautiful, thought provoking conversation with a good friend who had lovingly - yet powerfully - reflected back to me that my belief in myself was nowhere near as strong as the belief I held for others.

Others were somehow always smarter, funnier, prettier..and more accomplished than I was. And she could tell by the way I had spoken to her that it wasn’t even a question in my mind - I had been treating this belief in others (and lack of belief in myself) as if it was a fact.

As I struggled to understand why I wasn’t able to see myself in the way others did I felt long forgotten memories starting to creep in. Memories of all the times I was dismissed, laughed at or told I wasn’t good enough.

Memories of all the times people I had trusted had betrayed me, laughed behind my back and even gone so far as to tell others things about me that simply weren’t true.

And it wasn’t just the memories that came flooding back in - all the emotions they evoked came right back with them. Emotions I had ignored, pushed down, avoided or simply pretended didn’t exist.

As I struggled to understand why these memories and emotions were suddenly coming back again out of nowhere, it dawned on me that they weren’t actually coming back. They had been there all along. And up until then, I had just done a great job avoiding them and resisting them.

But what we resist will persist. And the longer it persists, the stronger it becomes.

By resisting my emotions for so long and ignoring them instead of dealing with them, all I had really done was make them stronger. I had rationalized my way to being “just fine” because my mind was strong enough to convince me that if I believed that for long enough, it would become true. What’s that old adage? Fake it til you make it?

I was the queen of faking it. It’s pretty much how I got through all of my teenage years and a large part of my adult years.

And for a long time it actually worked. And in many ways, it even helped me survive and keep moving forward at a time when I couldn’t afford to stop.

What it didn’t do was actually heal the pain that was underneath all that emotion.

Mentally I had made myself strong enough to push all the negative thoughts and comments away and to some extent, had even forgotten all about them.

But my body still remembered. And it was internalizing each negative comment, each insult and each painful word that had been carelessly thrown my way. That’s why I was subconsciously still keeping myself hidden years after the actual incidents.

They couldn’t hurt, poke fun at or laugh at what they couldn’t see.

But in order to heal the pain, I had to let myself feel the pain. I also had to acknowledge the impact it had on me and realize that feeling hurt or upset by the memories didn’t mean the pain of the memories had somehow “won”. Or that I was weak for not being able to shut it out anymore. Quite the opposite actually.

True strength isn’t about ignoring what you’re feeling. It’s about embracing it, acknowledging it and accepting it. With that acceptance comes freedom.

Our mind and body are deeply connected and our healing is intertwined between the two . That’s why true healing occurs when our thoughts are aligned with the manifestations in our body.

In my case, all the thoughts, feelings and hurt that I thought I had “let go of’ was still running the show behind the scenes. Mainly because I hadn’t actually let it go, I had really just spiritually bypassed it all by using logic to explain my feelings away.

Every new and painful experience had prompted me to simply remind myself “hurt people hurt people”. Or - “they’re saying those things from a place of trauma, they don’t know what they’re doing”.

And while I still believe that’s completely true - I no longer allow other people’s own hurts, thoughts or experiences to be an excuse for their treatment of me. I still hold compassion for them - but I no longer hold any space for them. Not in my thoughts, and not in my life.

And I no longer use my mindset as a way to simply “power through things”. To me, mindset is more than just a way of thinking. It’s a way of BEING. Being so connected in mind, body and spirit that every experience - good and bad- is processed on a mental, emotional AND spiritual level.

So when I say I work with people on their mindset - I don’t just mean how they face the day or the thoughts they’re telling themselves.

Yeah that’s part of it. But for me, true mindset work also involves looking at the impact those thoughts are having on my client’s bodies and working together to heal and integrate that impact so they can emerge from any challenging or negative experience with more unwavering strength, confidence and resilience than they could have ever imagined for themselves.

And I truly believe that’s what makes me different from most mindset coaches .

I see every human as a force of nature. Some are like gentle ripples in the water. Others resemble giant crashing waves with the strength of the ocean propelling their every move. Still others have the power of a hurricane or spewing volcano and are capable of destroying almost anything in their path.

But the most powerful ones of all remind me of the sun.

They watch the ripples, waves, the high winds of a hurricane and molten lava spilling out of a volcano…and throughout it all, they never stop shining and their power never burns out.

I want to help you be the sun. I want you to be the biggest and brightest version of yourself. The power to do that is already in you…but you have to be willing to move past the clouds and fly a little higher to get back to the sunshine.

Trust your wings. Let yourself fly. I promise the view from above will be worth it.

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Growing up I learned early on to work hard, always hustle, avoid laziness at ALL costs, expect struggles…and always, ALWAYS be a “good” girl.

True generational teachings that had been passed down from every generation that came before my parents, and from my parents to me.

Not such bad advice honestly- it definitely helped me get to where I am today.

But somewhere along the way, my young mind translated these things to mean I needed to work myself to exhaustion, be productive every minute of the day, keep my expectations for joy and happiness on the low side…and consistently put the happiness of others before my own. In short — I learned to become a workaholic and people pleaser, with little to no boundaries, and almost no concept of who I really was …and even less desire to find out who I really wanted to be.

And for years on end, I worked and hustled myself into a person I thought I should be, not the person I actually wanted to be. Every action I took and every thought I had was focused on moving me one step closer towards the image I had created in my head of the woman I thought I should be. The one that fit perfectly into the mold I thought I belonged in.

I ignored or disregarded anything that didn’t fit that persona. And mistook a rejection of my true self for success.

I wasn’t exactly unhappy, but I also wasn’t happy. Most days I wasn’t sure what I felt. I just knew it didn’t feel good… whatever it was. So I filled my schedule to the gills and left myself little time to feel much of anything.

And in the process, I unwittingly created my very own version of purgatory, constantly pushing myself until I thought I would break (which was often followed by beating myself up for having felt like I would break), and repeatedly criticizing myself for not being where I “should be” in life.

I created a story of how I needed to look, behave, act and show up. And lost who I truly was in the process.

Unsurprisingly, the day eventually came when I finally hit a wall and crashed and burned out.

And THANK GOD for that.

Because if I hadn’t, I probably would have stayed being someone who wasn’t a true reflection of me and I would never have found the courage to find the real me and share more of her with you in the way I have been.

And I also wouldn’t have learned one of life’s greatest lessons: A BREAKING DOWN OF WHO YOU ARE IS OFTEN A BREAKING THROUGH OF THE PERSON YOU’RE MEANT TO BE.

Feel free to read that again.

See sometimes the only way to become the person you truly want to be is by relinquishing the person you currently are. This doesn’t mean rejecting the person you are or forgetting that person entirely, it simply means shifting away from what doesn’t feel true for you and moving forward towards what does feel true.

It won’t be easy…or comfortable. And it may not even feel all that fun- at first anyway.

But if you’re willing to commit to it and bet on yourself in the process, it will always feel right.

So here’s to your future self. And your current self, who holds the courage, desire and insight to break that future self free.

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It's Never too Late to Send Love to Your Younger Self.

Every now and then a picture will show up in my memories of a younger, thinner, more beautiful.. and immensely quieter and lonelier version of me. She wears the same smile as I do now but back then the smile rarely made it down to her heart.  And the laughs most definitely didn’t find their way down to her belly.

But she kept going.  Always telling herself there had to be a reason for it all.  Always telling others that she was perfectly content, and the best was yet to come.  All while secretly wishing on the inside that whatever that best was, it would reveal itself before she gave up on believing.

She came close to giving up a few times.  And then something would re-ignite that spark of hope. Even in the darkest of days, that spark seemed to keep going, sometimes growing bigger and turning into a beautiful glowing flame…and at other times, dying down to a mere ember.   

Throughout it all, she did her best to just “be happy”.  To just fit in.  To just be what everyone expected of her. And the one thing she never really did?  Just be herself.  

I have a lot of compassion for that girl. And it took me until now to fully appreciate just how hard that must have been for her, to always try to fit into a mold that was cast in a shape and form that never really resonated with her.   It also took me until now to understand why she felt the need to hide the truth - and the pain - beneath that smile. I never gave her the freedom to feel safe, loved or enough within herself.  And for that, I owe her an apology. 

She deserved better from me.  Some days she still does.

But luckily it’s never too late to redeem ourselves. It’s also never too late to treat ourselves with the love and kindness we deserve and always have deserved. Love really is a two way street.  But the road ALWAYS starts with ourselves.

So to the girl that shows up in those pictures every now and then…I’m sorry if I ever made you feel less valuable, less worthy, less beautiful or less brilliant than you actually were.  Because you were all of that and then some.  

I’m also sorry I never truly acknowledged that it was okay for you to feel sad, empty, and even lonely at times.  I never meant to force you to ignore those feelings when others told you they weren’t valid..or tell ou that you didn’t have the right to have them.

I’m sorry I criticized you and put you down for your mistakes instead of noticing you were only doing those things because you just wanted to be loved, accepted and fit in. The truth is we all want to be loved, accepted and fit in.  

I wish I had known how to guide you better whenever you felt embarrassed, or as if you weren’t enough in some way.  And I TRULY wish I had always had your back when others failed you.

But I have your back now.  

And WHILE I may not be able to change the past, I can make a promise to you for the future.  Going forward, I will watch the way I speak to you and use words of encouragement and support.  I will practice the same kindness with you that I do with others.  I will remind you of your value as often as I remind others of theirs.  I will focus on your strengths not your flaws.  And, I will truly do my best to accept and welcome all of you, without judgment.  

With love,

Your past, present and future self

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SHINE WHERE YOU ARE

THE KEY TO CREATING IMPACT ON A LARGE SCALE IS LEARNING HOW TO SHINE WHERE YOU ARE FIRST.  IT MEANS LEARNING TO ILLUMINATE THE SMALL MOMENTS (THE ONES NOBODY IS REALLY LOOKING AT) SO YOU CAN CREATE SPACE FOR THE BIG MOMENTS WHICH WILL INEVITABLY FOLLOW. 

So often we get so caught up in getting to the end goal that we fail to appreciate and recognize the progress we’re already making and the good we’re already doing exactly where we are. See, in order to shine our light in a big way, we first have to learn to shine it exactly where we are, on a day by day basis, for the people that are in our life now.  We must focus on creating impact in the lives of those who are already around us, instead of worrying about creating impact on a larger scale.  This doesn’t make our mission or our purpose any less valuable or less important.  On the contrary, it makes it all that more relevant for the lives of those that we are affecting at that time.  And the bottom line is, if we can’t shine and be happy where we are, we will never be happy anywhere we’re looking to go either. Because there’s always more, always another level up.  But if we always keep our focus on the “more”, all we really do is keep creating a need for more..the need to do more, be more, achieve more..and have more.  We create an endless cycle of need that no amount of “success” will ever fill.

Don’t get me wrong, there are times when I too can’t stop thinking about my inner need and drive to create greater impact in this world and have even felt defeated because no matter what I did or tried - it just didn’t seem to be  happening.  The desperation to “make something of myself” always seems to get worse when I feel unsupported or unappreciated in some way - which by the way happens more frequently than I’d like to admit!  And not just for me, but for a LOT of people I know who are out there doing their best -day in and day out - to create an impact in the lives of others.   The truth is, that sometimes, what you give isn’t ALWAYS what you get and in that sense  life can feel complicated and unfair at times. But when you’re in service, you’re not really giving for the purpose of getting.  You’re giving back and repeatedly putting yourself out there because it’s how you’re built.  And while there are times that having that inner drive to give and make a change can sting and knock us completely on our back, at the end of the day, those of us who love to be in service will always get back up and go right back to being a light.  

And personally, I believe that all you put out DOES make its way back to you - just not always directly from the people you give to.  Karma always finds its way back to its owner.  And every minute, every hour, every day we spend thinking of the “whens” or “why not yets” will do little more than take away from the beauty of “what already is”. So don’t worry about where you want to be - focus on the good that already exists where you are.  Over time, that good multiples and suddenly the goal you were aspiring for... that once seemed so far away... will become your reality, your new “what is”. But if you’re not paying attention to where you are along the way,  you may end up missing it. So wherever you are in your journey, keep shining and know that your light is making an impact in a way that’s likely greater than you ever imagined.  And in ways that are far more beautiful than our minds can ever truly comprehend. 

#bethelight #shinewhereyouare

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SORRY, THERE'S NO MAGIC PILL...BUT THAT DOESN’T MEAN

YOU CAN’T GET WHAT YOU WANT OUT OF LIFE

Do any of these sound like you?  A lifetime of yo-yo dieting, ceaseless drama in your personal and professional life that leaves you riding an emotional roller coaster, financial highs followed by financial lows.  

With so much emphasis on instant gratification it’s no wonder that most people are looking for a quick fix to almost every problem in life. At one time or another, most of us have bought into the allure of the magic pill and convinced ourselves that if we could just “fix” that one thing...you know, the one that makes us feel a little less somehow...then the rest of life would become magically perfect also.  Sadly, there is no magic pill and life doesn’t become magically perfect even if you can manage to find one.  And what’s worse is that people who keep searching for one often end up being enslaved by the continuing need for instant gratification (which only lasts temporarily even when you do satisfy it!) and a shortcut mentality which makes it difficult to secure long term results...and not to mention, long term happiness. 

Short cuts are for those who think short term.  The only way to get lasting results - in any area of life - is by doing the work, facing the discomfort and replacing temporary panaceas with permanent solutions.  So how do you break the cycle? By breaking the underlying pattern that created the vicious cycle.  Here are a few examples of actionable steps you can take right now to help break that cycle:

1. Enjoy the process just as much as the outcome. 

   Instead of falling in love with your intended results, learn to fall in love with the process of getting there.  So for example, if the result you’re after is to lose 10 lbs, instead of falling in love with how you think you will look when you’re 10 lbs skinnier, fall in love with the fact that you’re feeding your body healthier foods, and that working out more is giving you increased energy and making you stronger each time you do it. If you go by the number on the scale or the size of your clothing, chances are you’ll feel discouraged and may even be tempted to quit if the numbers you’re seeing don’t match the ideal you created in your head.  But if you learn to love the actions you’re taking to get to your intended result, you’re much more likely to stay on track and consistently take those actions which, over the long term, will lead to the results you were looking for all along.  And LASTING results - not just temporary ones - because those actions will become habits and well developed habits become part of your identity which is the key to creating lasting results.  

2. Imagine yourself as the type of person who already has the results you want.

   Change your inner identity to align with the type of person who accomplishes the goal you decide to set for yourself.  So much of who we are and what we do is based on the type of person we identify as.  And if we learn to identify as the type of person who’s capable of achieving a specific goal, we’re more likely to follow through on the actions that are needed to turn that goal into reality. Basically, if you see yourself as the type of person who already lives the life you want, you will naturally start doing more of the things that help you create that life.  Going back to the dieting example, if your goal is to lose 10 lbs and keep it off, the best way to get there is by seeing yourself as the type of person who already is 10 lbs lighter and does the things that a person who is 10 lbs lighter would do.  Maybe they’re the type of person that doesn’t eat out too often, gets enough sleep, gets movement in on a daily basis - and just enjoys taking good care of his/her body. If you can see yourself as being that type of person, you will do the things that are necessary to then become that person.  If you can see it,  you can believe it.  And if you can believe it, you can create it. 

3. Get support.

   Whether it’s a good friend, a partner, family member or coach that has your back, make sure you have someone in your corner who is not only rooting for you, but also keeping you accountable.  Even the most motivated of people will face obstacles, tread backwards and lose their drive from time to time.  And when that happens, they turn to the people who will support them and get them back on track. Personally, I am super motivated most days but when I crash, I crash hard.  During those times, I turn to my friends, coaches and mentors for support.  And they have always helped me get back up.  My friends and family have always encouraged me to keep going. My coaches have helped me create (and smash) goals by helping me reframe the things that were keeping me stuck which allowed me to  move onward and upward.  There is no such thing as an army of one - we all need support at times and being able to ask for it when you need it most can make all the difference in whether we make (or break) our goals .   

4. Make it fun. 

   Anytime we make a process fun, our brain is less likely to see it as a chore and more likely to associate it with enjoyment. And the fact is, our brains are hardwired to seek pleasure and enjoyment.  (I mean seriously, who wouldn’t pick having fun over doing chores?) To capitalize on this innate need to seek fun,  (and minimize the potential to skip out on your goals) turn the process of reaching your goal into a game.  Find joy in the accomplishments you make along the way - even the little ones because little wins add up to big wins over time.  And the more fun you have along the way, the more likely you are to keep going! 

5. Cut Yourself Some Slack.

   Not all roads are straight. Some are slightly curved, some are brutally winding and some are steep and uphill.  We may even encounter roadblocks along the way that require us to reroute our trip entirely.  The road to accomplishing our goals can be much the same way.  No matter how well we plan and prepare, there may be unexpected twists and turns along the way that slow our progress and, at times, even set us back.  But just like we don’t stop driving when we run into a speed bump on the road, we can’t stop moving forward if we encounter an obstacle to our goals.  We may need to re-route and come up with a new route to get us there, but it doesn’t mean we have to (or should) give up.   Everyone faces setbacks but the people who make their goals a reality don’t beat themselves up over it, they simply acknowledge it happened and then keep moving forward anyway.  They identify as a person who perseveres and because of that, they also treat themselves with the compassion that’s needed to keep persevering. Even if you don’t see yourself as someone who perseveres (yet), allowing yourself the permission to make mistakes along the way and treating yourself with compassion when you do will go a long way when the speed bumps and roadblocks start to show up.

And last but not least - just be yourself.  If the strategies your friends, family members or colleagues use to accomplish their goals don’t reflect who you are and don’t align with how you want to be, just don’t use them.  It’s that simple.  Instead, use the things that work for YOU and leave the rest behind- and that includes anything that I mentioned in this post that just doesn’t resonate with you.  At the end of the day, only you will know what is working and what isn’t.   By trying different things, you open yourself to more opportunities and options for success, but that doesn’t mean that all options will be right for you.  So go with what feels good and then keep on going from there.  Sometimes, it’s just a matter of putting one foot in front of the other.  As they say... even the journey of a thousand miles begins with just one step.

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What are you accepting in your life that you don't have to?

Sometimes the things we end up accepting in life about ourselves and our limitations have nothing to do with what we are actually capable of.  We believe them only because somewhere along the way someone convinced us that the limitations they saw in us are what we should see in ourselves.  

🚫”You’ll never amount to anything, you’re not smart enough” 
🚫”You’ll never make it as a lawyer, you don't have the personality for that”
🚫You’ll never run again, you should stick to light walking”
🚫”You can't get better if you have a chronic illness, that's why they call it chronic”
🚫”You’ll never be able to help this dog, he’s too much for someone like you”
🚫”You’re too young to do that now, you need to wait”
🚫 “You're too old to do that now, you need to give that up”
🚫”You’re too _____ ” Insert whatever YOU’VE heard your whole life in that blank!

What you're seeing above are just a few of the things I’ve been told in the past. And they all ended up being wrong.  I'll admit, part of me wanted to believe them because it would have made things so much easier.  But I decided not to believe any of them and see what would happen if I believed in myself instead.  I can't say that it was ever easy or comfortable.  But time and time again, believing in myself and choosing the discomfort ended up being the best decision I could have possible made.  

The fact is, if I had listened to everything everyone has told me over the years, I probably wouldn’t have tried most of the things I’ve done in the past or many of the things I’m doing now.  And I would most likely have been a shadow of the person I am now.  

So I invite you to ask yourself, what are you accepting in life that you don't have to?  Where are you believing in your limitations instead of your potential?  And where are you dimming your future by choosing to believe words you've been told in the past?  And that really is all they are - words.  The amount of power you give them is up to you.

Brene Brown says that true integrity is choosing courage over comfort, choosing what is right over what is fun, fast or easy; and choosing to practice our values rather than simply professing them.  

I agree wholeheartedly.  One thing I've learned is that the easier road isn't always the right one or the one that gets you where you want to be.  And sometimes the road the looks like it's going the wrong way takes you exactly where you need to be.

And as long as the road you choose for yourself comes from a place of integrity, it will never be the wrong one and it will always lead you to all the right places.   

I will leave you with this - you don’t have to accept what others say about you as true. Nope. You get to create your own truth. And you get to start today.

Ready to tap into your own power and start believing in yourself? Let's chat. I'm offering a free breakthough session limited to a total of 3 highly motivated individuals who are ready to design a life they love.

Wishing you all a beautiful day. 💕

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Recovering Perfectionist

As a recovering perfectionist, I can attest first hand that the concept of perfection is a lie, it doesn't exist. And in reality, even the definition of what may or may not be perfect will vary from one person to the next.

Personally, I think putting that kind of pressure on ourselves (and others) is simply unfair. How many times have we looked at someone and thought their life was perfect when in reality they may be facing their own concerns and looking at our life as if we were perfect?

In order to bust that perfection myth once and for all we need to shift our focus from perfection to progress. Trying to achieve perfection will only lead to disappointment and self criticism which, in turn, leads to a lack of confidence and self doubt.

So instead of focusing on perfection, why not focus on simply making progress? Progress towards the goals you’ve set for yourself, progress towards becoming the person you’ve always wanted to be and progress towards living the life you’ve always wanted to live. At the end of the day it’s the progress we make each day that reaps the greatest rewards - and ultimately leads to perfection in its own way, because that’s where the growth is and that’s where the RESULTS are.

Are there any areas in your life that you’re not seeing the results you hoped for? Take a closer look at that area and ask yourself - have you been so focused on perfection that you’re not taking the action you need to make progress? If that’s the case it’s ok- we’ve all been there.

Now it’s time to change that and you can start by taking just one action today that moves you forward. Don’t delay it. Write down the action you will take and then take it today. And then repeat that drill every day for the next week- you’ll be amazed at how quickly you can make progress once you take action and create some momentum.

If you’re not sure how to get started, let’s hop on a call and I’ll give you some proven strategies to get you started!

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Playing it Safe

What do you think would be possible for you if you stopped playing it safe and started playing all out instead?

What would reality look like if you just went for it - whatever “it” is for you - instead of playing it safe.

Playing it safe is what puts you directly in the path of danger.

Danger of always living below your full potential, danger of living a life that’s devoid of meaning….and danger of spending your life trapped in an identity you created when you were far too young to know if it was even aligned with who you truly are and what you want in life.

I get it, you’ve worked SO hard for all you have and the thought of taking a risk at this point in your life feels a little scary and you’re not sure if you’re ready to give it all up.

And the truth is, part of you already feels a little guilty and ungrateful for wanting more than what you already have.

So you keep ignoring that little voice inside that keeps whispering “there has to be more”.

You need something to change but you’re afraid of what changes could mean. What if you make the change you're dreaming of and it doesn’t work out?

But what if it DOES?

I know the thought of starting over and reinventing yourself at this phase in your life probably feels a little scary. But here’s the thing - nobody said you had to start all over.

Reinventing yourself doesn’t mean throwing away everything you are - it means adding to it.

It means recreating your life in a way that’s aligned with who you are NOW - not who you once were, who you thought you should be…or for that matter, who you were told to be.

I already know and believe you’re capable of achieving anything you want and creating - or recreating- anything you truly want. And I want you to believe it too.

So if any of this lands with you and you’re ready to reinvent yourself and live your life in a more meaningful and aligned way, DM me and let’s talk about what’s available for you. (Hint, the answer is pretty much anything you want.) And let’s get you out of the land of fear and into a world of possibility.

Ready to live your best life?

Book a coaching session | Join my email list for random insights | Drop by my Instagram @afsheenshah and say Hi!

5 Steps To Take Right Now!

1. Take accountability for all the decisions that led to where your are right now.

This isn’t about blaming yourself or beating yourself up. It’s about EMPOWERING yourself and acknowledging that your past decisions have resulted in the life you’re living now- which means you can use the decisions you make now to create and shape your future.  Our decisions create results. And if you don’t like the results you’ve achieved so far - all you have to do is start making different decisions. Different decisions mean different outcomes.  And YOU get to decide what those outcomes will be. 

2. Recognize that not all decisions will be easy or obvious and sometimes the “right” decision will mean have choose between the better of two bad options.

We’ve all heard the phrase “you always have a choice”. I’ve had it said to me more than once. And while that may true - we may not always have a good choice or any easy one for that matter. If you find yourself in a situation where you’re forced to choose between two less than desirable options, instead of focusing on how neither one is a “good” choice,  try focusing on the fact that you're still making the best possible choice based on the information you have and the resources that are available to you at that time. By shifting your focus on what’s still within your control,  you hold on to your power instead of giving it away to the situation.

3. Stop beating yourself up when things don’t work out as planned.

It’s easy to blame ourselves and let our inner critic leash its wrath on us when things don’t work out as we had hoped or planned. But beating yourself up over it isn’t going to change it- so why not use that energy in a more productive manner! Ask yourself powerful questions such as what have you learned from the situation and how you can use it to avoid being in similar situations in the future.

4. Change your inner dialogue.

One of my favorite phrases that I constantly repeat to myself is “as within, so without”. I repeat it to myself several times throughout the day as a reminder that our outer world is nothing more than a reflection of our inner world. And if my inner world is chaotic, self doubting and self defeating then my outer world will be too. Pay close attention to your thoughts and how they’re making you feel inside. If they are not making you feel good- change them.  We are always only one thought away from a better day.  People often tell me positive thoughts don’t do anything - I beg to differ. In my experience, a consistent stream of positive thoughts inspire you to keep going even when the going gets tough. And by staying on course in difficult times, you build strength and resilience. Resilience is critical to reclaiming your power. Because the fact is there are times when we all lose or give away or power. But those of us who are resilient will always fight to get it back. 

5. Stop working so hard to please others and start pleasing yourself.

The only one who has to look you in the eye each morning and each night and decide if you’re satisfied is you. So put yourself first and start doing what matters most to you.  By now we’ve all heard the phase you have to “put your own oxygen mask on first”..but hearing it, understanding it and actually doing it are all very different things.  Without oxygen we all die- and each time you put your own needs behind those of others, you’re basically giving them your oxygen mask. and killing off a part of yourself  Take the mask back.  And in the process, you’ll take your power back.

Ready to live your best life?

Book a coaching session | Join my email list for random insights | Drop by my Instagram @afsheenshah and say Hi!