1.Take accountability for your decisions.
This isn’t about blaming yourself. It’s about EMPOWERING yourself. Your past decisions resulted in the life you’re living now- which means you can use the decisions you make now to create and shape a a more ideal future if where you are presently doesn't line up with where you want to be.
2. Recognize that not all decisions will be easy.
That whole "you always have a choice" cliche is only half accurate. Yes, you may always have a choice but that doesn't mean you will always have a GOOD choice available to you. Sometimes the “right” decision will mean having to choose between two not so great options. When that happens, instead of focusing on how neither one is a “good” choice, try focusing on the fact that you're still making the best possible choice based on the information you have to you at that time.
3. Stop beating yourself up when things don’t work out as planned.
It’s easy to blame ourselves and let our inner critic unleash its wrath on us when things don’t work out the way we planned. But beating yourself up over a less than desirable outcome isn’t going to change it- so why not use that energy in a more productive manner! Ask yourself powerful questions such as what have you learned from the situation and how you can use it to avoid being in similar situations in the future.
4. Change your inner dialogue.
One of my favorite phrases that I constantly repeat to myself is “as within, so without”. If our inner world is chaotic and self defeating then our outer world will be too. Pay close attention to your thoughts and how they’re making you feel inside. If the thoughts you're having are not making you feel good, change them. You can do that by taking the thought that's running through you mind and asking yourself - is what I'm thinking really true or does it just feel true? Do I have any facts or evidence available to me that prove that it's not true. Once you've gone through this process, take that thought and flip it. For example, if the thought you're having is that nobody is ever there for you, ask yourself is that really true and can I think of times when someone actually was there for me? Once you recognize that your thought isn't the absolute truth, restate it in a way that feels more true such as "I do have people who support me when I need them. They may not be here right this moment but they exist." (I alway suggest avoiding a reframe that is the complete opposite of your current thought since your brain is likely still in a bit of resistance mode and will be more willing to accept a modified thought as opposed to an entirely conflicting one.) Just remember, you are always one thought away from a better day.
5. Stop working so hard to please others.
The only one who has to look you in the eye each morning and each night and decide if you’re satisfied is you. So put yourself first and start doing the things that make YOU feel alive. By now we’ve all heard the phase you have to “put your own oxygen mask on first”..but hearing it, understanding it and actually doing it are all very different things. Without oxygen we die - and each time you put your own needs behind those of others, you’re basically giving them your oxygen mask and killing off a piece of yourself. Take the mask back. And in the process, you’ll take your power back too.
Ready to live your best life?
Book a coaching session | Join my email list for random insights | Drop by my Instagram @afsheenshah and say Hi!