Serenity Now!
Let’s be honest. Most of us were looking for serenity long before this pandemic started. With increasingly hectic days that are often consumed by long work hours (even for those working remotely!), not enough sleep and schedules that are filled to the brim with activities that focus on prioritizing other people’s needs and agendas over our own (especially all of you amazing parents out there!), it’s no surprise that anxiety and depression has become commonplace. And just in case anyone didn’t already have enough on their plate, we’re now facing an unprecedented pandemic coupled with social distancing and quarantine requirements that are causing many to feel increased feelings of isolation and anxiety. And let’s not forget the latest wave of messaging that seems to be spreading through social media like wildfire that now is the time to “be” and “do” more than we were before and that if we fail to come out of this quarantine better in some way, then we have somehow also failed at life. As a personal development junkie and someone who truly believes in learning and growing on a daily basis, I fully believe in always striving to be your own best version. But I also think the way we message is important- especially now when so many people are finding it difficult to maintain a sense of calm and craving even a small semblance of the life they once knew. And the fact is that by adding even more pressure to that equation, we are only creating more chaos..not the calm that so many people are desperately seeking right now. That’s why I think it’s important that we balance the extra stress with some serenity. And here are 7 easy tips you can implement on a daily or weekly basis to get more serenity- and sanity -in your life:
Mindfulness. Yes, I know, everyone is pushing the mindfulness and meditation movement right now, but it’s for GOOD reason. Most experts agree that including some daily quiet time in your routine gives your mind a much needed break from thinking and doing..and not the mindless tv sort of break. I’m talking about a real break, one that removes the external stimuli and lets your mind just be still for a change. I know what you’re thinking - and sleep doesn’t count as being mindful. The fact is that even when we sleep, our subconscious mind is still going, processing the events of the day before, consolidating short term into long term memory and working hard to repair and heal your body from daily stressors and activities. A mindfulness break gives you a deeper level of rest and lets you focus on just being present in the moment. Sure thoughts will pop in your head while you’re practicing mindfulness and that’s completely normal when they do. But because you’re actually focusing on just being present, you’re much more likely to either push those thoughts away or at least make an effort to not let them spiral. So give it a try - even if you can only manage 5 or 10 minutes to start. One of the best things about the mindfulness movement - there’s no requirement to go big or go home.
Sleep. Most adults simply do not get enough sleep and adequate sleep is critical for maintaining a sense of calm, and not to mention a healthy immune system which is more important than ever right now. Sleep is also the easiest and yet the hardest of these tips to implement for most of us. Easiest because..well let’s be real...unless you’re actually suffering from insomnia there’s not much you have to do to sleep other than lie down. Hardest because even though we all know about the importance of sleep, it’s typically the first thing that goes out the window when we’re stressed or super busy. But it should actually be the first thing we prioritize during challenging or stressful times. Watching more TV or scrolling through social media for hours on end isn’t going to make the stress disappear, but if you replace those activities with some extra sleep your ability to handle that stress will be drastically improved. Ideally you should be aiming for 7-9 hours each night depending on your body’s needs. You’ll wake up less irritable and cranky and more ready to face the day. The best way to find out what your needs are is to sleep two or three nights without an alarm and let your body wake up naturally - and then see how long you slept without an artificial prompt to wake you up. I recommend trying this for 2-3 nights in a row as opposed to just one since your body may need a couple of nights to re-adjust to its natural circadian rhythm.
Movement. Just as important as getting some rest is getting some daily movement. Even small bursts of movement spread out throughout the day can help to reduce stress and anxiety which, in turn, can increase your overall sense of calm and serenity. And you don’t have to be a hard core athlete or zenned out yogi to get these benefits. Even a daily walk or chasing your kids in the backyard counts as movement and will give your body and mind the calming effects they need to cultivate a greater sense of inner peace.
Breathwork. Most of us spend our days hunched over and breathing from our chest instead of our entire abdominal cavity. This results in shallow, inefficient breathing and also leads to increased tension in our neck and shoulders. By learning to breathe from our stomachs we can train ourselves to use our full lung capacity and feel more relaxed in the process. A quick way to see if you're breathing from your chest or your belly is to place one hand on the chest and one on your belly and then breathe as you normally would. If the only thing moving is your chest - you’re not breathing fully. Focus on inhaling all the way through your lungs and into your stomach, imagine the air flowing all the way down into your belly if you have to. Once your belly starts to move in and out, you know you’re doing it right. You’ll probably also notice your chest feels less constricted and your heart rate isn’t as rapid. If this seems too much to try on your own, try a breathing app to help. Oak is one of my favorites and it’s free- so what do you have to lose aside from a poor breathing pattern?
Daily connections. So let’s just clarify something here - just because we need to maintain a certain physical distance from others doesn’t mean we have to be socially distanced from them. We can still be social creatures even during a lockdown and with all the technology that’s available right at our fingertips, there’s really no reason to not be social. Try to reach out to at least one person each day whether by phone, text or through a zoom happy hour. Everyone needs a break and someone to connect with it, and the person you reach out to is likely no exception. Humans are social creatures and our relationships with others are what make life truly joyful. And in times of stress, those relationships become more important than ever. So don’t neglect yours. Cultivate them and nurture them daily. Your mind and your heart will thank you.
Nature. One of the best ways to instantly create a sense of calm and inner peace is to walk or just sit in nature. Even a walk around the block or sitting in your backyard can help if you’re deliberate with it. Let yourself feel the warmth of the sun on your skin, listen carefully to the sounds of birds chirping all around you, feel the breeze as it hits your skin and go ahead and take that break to stop and smell those flowers! And if you’re feeling really ambitious, you can combine your foray into nature with a little bit of mindfulness. So for you overachievers who were already wondering how to make these tips more efficient and less time consuming, the payoff of combining mindfulness with nature is massive. So give it a try!
Prayer. This one is probably controversial for some and some of you may not even believe in prayer. But prayer doesn’t have to be a formal or ritualistic process. It doesn’t even have to be associated with any particular religion. It can be as simple as having an inner dialogue with some form of higher power - whatever that means for you. It can even mean an inner dialogue with yourself if that helps you process your thoughts and emotions. There’s nothing that prevents you from being your own higher power! I realize some of you still may not be sold on this one, especially now and that's ok - there’s 6 more strategies up above that you can try instead. ;) But here’s what I can say from experience- when all else fails I have always found myself turning to prayer. And it has yet to let me down - and not because my prayers were always answered but because the act of praying gave me a sense of release as if the problem was no longer mine. And with that release, I stopped worrying about whatever it was that I had been praying about. There’s something incredibly liberating in letting things go, and prayer is one of the best ways I have yet to come across for fully relinquishing control.
You may be wondering why I didn’t include gratitude on this list. It’s not because it doesn’t help. It’s actually because i've noticed that gratitude can’t be forced, especially when we are feeling our lowest, not true gratitude anyway...the kind you feel through your entire body. Sure you can say what you’re grateful for, maybe even list a few things in your journal. But if you’re not genuinely feeling that gratitude on the inside, which is not unsurprising during low times, it becomes hard to appreciate even for the little things and pretending to be grateful anyway can leave you feeling even worse..and possibly like a fraud. On the other hand, if we instead use that energy to focus on more tangible things, like the ones listed above, true gratitude seems to find its way back to us on its own.
And here’s one final recommendation for those of you are super A type and feel the need to go the extra mile even in something when cultivating some additional serenity in your life - get back in touch with your childhood passions whatever they may have been Whether it’s painting, singing, dancing or just reading a good book, there’s something to be said for reconnecting with the things we loved as kids. Whether it’s the memories we conjure in the process or that same feeling of joy and giddiness that seems to find its way back into our hearts once we go back to the activities that brought us so many smiles as kids...the fact is that bringing ourselves back to those good feelings is an instant mood booster. So break out those old canvases, dance steps or books and start smiling - even if it’s just at the silliness of it all. Because at the end of the day, the only thing we truly have control over is how we feel at any given moment. So why not feel the best you can in each moment of today, regardless of what the current circumstances may be.
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